It's funny, when you think you're at rock bottom, usually you haven't hit it yet. Don't worry, It'll come. And it will hurt.

you may end up losing friends, and it's a part of life. You may even end up losing yourself...And in the end, it's your own fault. You have been selfish, careless, and blinded.

Where do you lie now? On the cold, hard floor. All alone. with no one to blame, but you. JUST YOU. no one else, no matter what you think.

And there you have it. I've hit rock bottom. But I haven't turned to drugs or drinking. I was stuck wallowing in my pool of pity. I was the DJ at my pity party. But no more. I'm not going to live this way. I've ruined things I never thought could get ruined. I took people for granted, and look where it's gotten me...

I don't know where to start or how to begin
But I have to give up and let him in
[1.6.11]

As I look back at 2010, I think about all that has changed in my life. I've lost, gained, & renewed friendships. I changed my home, my job, & myself. As I look forward to 2011, I get excited about things to come in my life & the lives of my friends. maybe you've been in my life for years, have come recently, or have left, but know have had an impact on me. I love you, whether you know it or not.

What can't love fix?
What can't love renew?
Who can't love save?
What can't love do?

Don't give up on love
It'll never give up on you
[my lyrics: Moriah Lynn Rodin]

I've just rediscovered this blog. I am talking with Cecily and we realized that Tumblr isn't very personal anymore. It's all about the "reblogging" nonsense. Since when have we stopped having our own thoughts and expressing them? So to start off, I'm going to post part of a song I wrote in 2008. My songwriting has gotten better since them, and I'm going to try to post part of a song every time I blog, or even full songs. So since 2011 is very close, here's to new beginnings and blogging!

We may be miles apart,
but you're still in my heart.
In my thoughts and on my mind
and you are there all the time.
I'll be patiently waiting for you
I'm hoping I'll see you very soon
But if I don't, I'll be okay
as long as I hear your voice today.

About Me...

I may be 20, but at heart, I think I'm 5...good thing my birthday is on February 29th.
I'm adopted, and my whole family is white, including my dog. Because of this, I have become the whitest black person...EVER
When I sleep, i curl up in a ball and face the closest wall. I guess it makes me feel safe, or something.
I am addicted to Dr. Pepper, music, texting, The Jonas Brothers, and the ABC Family show Greek.
When I'm overly stressed, I either play my piano or color to calm down.
I cannot sit in silence because I will go insane.
My biggest fears are: elevators, heights, and airplanes.
I hate drama...I avoid it at all costs, but somehow I always end up in the middle of it all.
I have a very high pain tolerence, and have never broken a bone.
My stomach eats itself...I have Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease. Therefore, I can't eat chocolate.
If I don't wear my glasses or contacts, I am legally blind.
Horror movies don't scare me; they make me laugh.
I love to watch myself talk, but don't think I'm vain.
I can't stand when someone's tag is sticking out of their shirt. I will put it back in, even if I don't know you.
The volume on anything has to be on an even number.
I have 7 brothers and sisters, but haven't met any of them. The one closest to my age is 7 years older than me.
I can play the piano, flute, and I'm attempting to learn guitar. Music is pretty much my life, and I surround myself with it every day.
I love making videos and putting them on YouTube. Entertaining is one of my many passions

well, there you have it. that's me. in a nutshell.

Goodbye 2008, Hello 2009 and new beginnings.

25 Days...

25 days until Christmas. Chaotic shopping has ensued. Me, on the other hand, I'm relaxing at the comfort of my computer. Getting a lot of my shopping done online. It's pretty smart considering I didn't wanna get trampled to death by vicious shoppers that sit outside at 2 in the morning THANKSGIVING DAY! they were there a whole day before those doors opened just to get the best deals. I applaud you, but seriously?!

Anyway, tonight is the LAST Young Life of 2008...not including camp, which is this weekend. I'm so excited to bond with my high school girls. These girls have taught me so much about myself. I'm a role model to these girls, and it really motivates me to live my life on the straight and narrow. I don't want to be the person who has to make an excuse for everything in her life, and have to say "Don't do what I did."

I have some big plans for the new year already. I turn 21 in 2009, isn't that exciting? and I'm going to be pursuing my music a lot more this coming year, along with my youtube account. Hopefully i'll be moved out by the summer, and be living on my own. That means, I'll have to be saving money. that's a really hard thing for me to do...lol

Let me leave you with this: Enjoy your time with your friends and family this season, and remember that Jesus is the Reason for the Season!

A Realization...

Today was thanksgiving, and looking around the table, I realized that other than my great niece, I was the only one unmarried...and it's been on my mind all day. I've come to this conclusion:

1 Corinthians 7:32-35 “I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how can he please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. but a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how can she please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.”

One of the most loving and helpful things a [future] wife can do for her [future] husband and [future] marriage is to pray.

Dear Lord,
Please show my future husband, whoever he may be, that he is very valuable not only to you, but to me, his future wife. Display Your wonderful love to him, as he goes through his day. Remind him that you hold him up, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Create in my future husband a desire to do his best for You during every minute of every day. Let him keep his purity safe and whole. Motivate him to turn to you for freedom from infatuation and lust. Please do the same for me as well. I want to be wholly pure for my future husband. Please keep him safe and healthy as he goes through his life.

In your Son's precious name,
Amen

I may not know who my future husband is at the moment, but I know he's out there somewhere. The really cool thing is...I may already know him, or know of him, but God just doesn't think it's the right time in my life to reveal that to me. I'm learning to become patient with things in my life a little better. I'm learning to control my want for instant gratification.

I figured out the answer to the question people constantly ask me, “Why hasn't a girl like you ever had a boyfriend?”

Well, the answer is simple. God doesn't think I'm ready. It's easy as that.

I don't need to focus on getting a guy to notice me because when it happens, it will be on His terms, not mine. I should be content with being a guy's friend, and if it transforms into a romantic relationship, so be it. I've realized I can wait. I've waited for 20 years. I know I haven't been that patient, but “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” [Philippians 4:13]